christmas joy.

Today, although i was woken up by the phone 3 times verry early this morning, i managed to sleep in untill abou eleven. This was well needed rest i am glad to have gotten, but i wish i was still asleep. The holidays have aproched quite quickly. When i finaly woke up this morning from a lovely dream iwas having, it hit me that it was christmas eve. Upon relizing this I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep but it was no use. i had slept for eleven and a half hours and i could not sleep any more. With a loud sigh i rolled out of bed, dragging my feet across the floor, swung open my bedroom door and slamed it shut. When the door made a loud bang, i thought for a while why i was dreding the approching days. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and cheerfulnes, but i was not in the christmas spirit. I thought about all through out baking christmas cookies and then it came to me. I do no like christmas because it involves much social contact. Talking to distant family members on the phone, hugging people you havent seen since you were like ten months old and listen to them say "is that you?! you've gotten so big, the last time i saw you you were only a year old! do you rememberme?" of corse i dont remember you. I was a baby.Why would you even ask that. And the worst part of it is, saying no makes you feel terrible for not remembering them, but you obviously dont. Any way, i am usuly able to get through the holidays fine, but since school started everyday is a social adventure i do not look foward to, with questions like "what school did you go to last year? are you a freshman?" All would be fine except after that breaf conversation they never talk to you again, so its really just a waste of time. I suppose you could say i am a "socialy awakward" person. I really just dont like to talk to people i dont know, and will never know, no matter how many failed attempts at pointless conversations i have with them. Of corse i am nice to them, and am social with all the people who are close in life, But the holidays are just one of those times where strangers talk to you just to be nice, and if your not smiling there is automaticly something wrong. Maybe i'm just not jumping for joy over the fact that "elf" is on T.V. for the 77th time since december 1. It doesnt mean im sitting in the corner crying. i just dont feel like smiling. Dont get me wrong, I am very cheery on christmas, i just dont like that because it is christmas i MUST be cheery. Sortof like everyone is all jolly and happy when really no one want s to be there sortof thing, where really everyone would probably be honestly jolly and happy if they weren't being forced to. people dont like to be forced into emotions. I guess i am just a discrase to the holidays. Well, im going to go listen to music and finish wrapping gifts. I actualy enjoy preparing for the holidays, its just the social awkwardness of christmas day i could do without. Well, bye.

<3 bee